The Battle of the One Shoulder Dress

Spring is here! As we look around and find new trends for spring fashion, in 2011 we see the one shoulder dress make a come back.   It looks pretty, it may even fit nicely when you try it on. Doesn't she look hot in this dress guys or what? 

So what does this dress have to do with your life? You might NOT care about this dress or being fashionable. You may like to wear green or orange crocks and an old t-shirt with jeans. Who cares about this dress? What's the point anyway?
Who cares about what anyone wears? It's what on the inside that matters - right?

Sometimes people can be as asymmetrical as this dress. Outside they are nice, fun, honest but inside something is missing, maybe it's the other shoulder of their internal foundation, their so called dress. Two faces of the same outfit.

When the rest of the world is watching, some people act one way. In private, with their family they are a completely different person, putting their whole family to shame.

Taking the analogy a step further, we find that we have to watch out for the symbolic mask that people, countries and even whole societies wear. We are subconsciously forced to use our imagination to fill in the gap, following our internal gap analysis strategy to calm our complicated mind. There is something intriguing and powerful about filling in the gap and trying to imagine what the other strap of the dress might look like - a sneak peak at what's inside.

In this week's Torah portion we are taught the rules of keeping kosher. We are reminded that a pig may look like any other meat, but it's not healthy for you because it consumes garbage - on the inside, it's just filthy garbage. But this is not just about the food! Just because something or someone looks like a million dollars on the outside - a true super star, a real beauty, a winner - means absolutely nothing until that person can be good, kind, ethical and honest on the inside, a person that has strong principles and beliefs!

It's easy to deceive society into believing you are good and easily gain trust of those that are vulnerable, naive, trusting. What is much harder is to live every day of your life with an impeccable set of values and strive to be better each day. We see this on every level, from children in school to dictators of countries who condition their people to believe in them out of hope, fear, trust.

But the two faced people and two faced societies will one day lose the battle of the blue one shoulder dress. Sooner or later the asymmetrical strap will fall off and will be exposed for what it is, even if the person that wears this symbolic dress is seen as a superstar, their fame is short lived!

As humans we are programmed genetically to believe in symmetry (or harmony) because it's not only pleasing to the eye, psychologically it gives us a sense of stability. It is easier for our brain to understand and create an environment that is responsive to something we are biologically prone to achieve. This does not mean we need to stop being creative, it just means that we deserve to reach for having the complete power of showing the world the whole dress so that no one can claim a discrepancy between your inside and outside self.

Bottom line: BE YOURSELF and be your best both on the inside and outside!


Dedication: This is dedicated to people who seek truth and are not scared to express their complete opinion, create a debate, take a controversial view and don't compromise who they are - even if it means someone will not approve. We need to pick our battles but also prove that we are real! To my designer friends - I love fashion and no harm was done to any blue one strap dresses :)

4 month, 4 years, 11 years, 35 years, 36 years - Not just numbers

As we sit down to enjoy a family meal we often forget to look around to see who is at the table. Who are these people sitting next to us? Our children? Our parents? How old are they? Time flies so quickly as we watch them learn to walk and talk an go to school. Soon they become adults who build their own families and we watch our grandchildren grow. This can be a scene in any culture or religion. A mother cooking a meal for a birthday, a holiday, a graduation. A father blessing his children and giving them a kiss on the forehead. Now take a look at the photo of the Fogel family below. A nice jewish family, aren't they?

As the Fogel family sat down for their Shabbos dinner on Friday night, I am sure their home was filled with love and peace. Yes, PEACE - a word we so often forget. Say it again, PEACE. Just like all of us look into our child's eyes and see something beyond love, beyond joy, beyond peace - Udi and Ruth Fogel (only 35 and 36 years old, respectively) must have looked at their beautiful children and felt blessed to be living in Israel, in Itamar. They felt blessed for having a beautiful family and for having a wonderful Shabbos. The kids were probably thinking about Purim, about baking Hamentashen (triangular cookies for Purim) and even dressing up in fun costumes.

UNFORTUNATELY, something horrible happened on this peaceful night. Terror stuck the home of this family in the ugliest and the most unfair way. Not a tsunami like in Japan, not a fire, not a disease. It was by far much worse. Five people were massacred by a terrorist in cold blood. Even the 4 MONTH OLD baby! Udi Fogel, 36, Ruth Fogel, 35, and their children Yoav, 11, Elad, 4, and 4 month-old Hadas were stabbed to death in their sleep. These are not soldiers of the IDF killed while serving their country, these are not prisoners, these are victims of a horrific crime that has no justification.

In nature all animals fight for survival. But humans beings differ because they have a soul. A person that kills a little baby in cold blood is devoid of a soul and can not even be compared to an animal, let alone a person.
What is even worse, 12 year old Tamar found her family destroyed. This will forever be engraved in her memory as she tries to grow into being a normal teenager, a normal soldier, a wife, a mother - the horror of seeing a pool of blood in her home instead of being greeted by mom and dad as she walked into the house this past Saturday morning. Although Tamar was able to save Roi, 8 and 2-old Yishai - her family will never be the same, NEVER. NEVER.

How can PEACE ever be achieved if basic human ethics can not be followed. Even in war, there are rules of how to treat civilians - this is obviously NOT an intrusion (as BBC called it), it is a blatant act of terrorism. As Jews we must unite and use our heart, our mind and our strength to prevent these crimes.

We must share this with the world, both Jews and non-Jews and let people stop anti-semitism, hate crimes and murder.

Take a look at this map of world religions. Jews make up less than a quarter of one percent! If we were one family, there would be less than 14,000,000 of us (statistically, at the beginning of 2010 our population was assessed at 13,428,300 by Hebrew University). WE ARE ONE FAMILY with the Shabbos table stretching from continent to continent, but now there is tragically 5 less people at our table!

Looking at the map and thinking about all religions, including all atheists and agnostics it is still impossible to comprehend what kind of a society and religion permits murder of babies? I guarantee that this poor 4 month old victim was no threat to anyone in the neighborhood or in the world. But if this was a member in your family, would you not want to fight back with all your might? This IS a member of our family. All of us are in this together. This is not something that happened far away (even if you have never been to Israel). Each of us can play a role in educating others about the brutality of ignorance and brainwashing.

There is a debate about having settlers carrying weapons to protect themselves and building more housing in the territories. There are talks about peace, talks about war, talks about politics and policies.These are all very valid points. But the fact remains that the gift of life was shattered in this beautiful family. Now only lifeless bodies remain as a reminder of the gruesome murder.

Now go and look at your child in the eyes and bless them, hold them, kiss them. For those that do not have children, find a child in your family and spend the day with them. Remind them about the beauty of kindness and the ugliness of hate!

Dedication: This is dedicated to the Fogel family. Our thoughts are with you during this horrible time in your life. May G-d give you the strength to deal with this horrible loss. In addition, this is dedicated to our family in Israel who fight for our right to exist daily and make us proud to be part of the smallest ethnic group in the world. I believe we can really make the world a better, safer place but only through action!